When I watch a movie, it’s like there are two of me in the same seat. There’s that regular movie-going guy who likes blood and boobs and things that explode, the kind of movies we call POPCORN MOVIES. But there’s another fellow who accompanies him. This guy likes some of the same things as his friend, but he is a seeker and connoisseur of SERIOUS CINEMA. This guy doesn’t just want to see a movie, he wants it to change his life. It goes without saying that these guys don’t always see eye to eye.


POPCORN: Dude.

CINEMA: Dude yourself. What took you so long to answer the door . . .?

POPCORN: (grins)

CINEMA: . . . and why does it smell like a Cheech & Chong movie in here?

POPCORN: Dude, legalization.

CINEMA: Is that what you’ve been up to? I’ve not seen you in months.

POPCORN: Heh.

CINEMA: Whatever. It’s been so long, how about a movie? I was wondering if you wanted to check out Halloween Kills.

POPCORN: You mean, like, leave the house?

CINEMA: Yeah. Well . . . you know what, I’ve got the Peacock. We could stream it.

POPCORN: Dude, I don’t care what kinda exotic pet you got now, or how you bathe it –

CINEMA: What???

POPCORN: Hold on, man. Lemme find my pants.

(Forty minutes later)

POPCORN: Whoa, dude. This movie is intense.  

CINEMA: Uh, that’s the movie poster. You’ve been staring at it for ten minutes now. I’ve got the tickets, center row, and two huge tubs of corn. Come on, I’ll get you a much-needed coffee too.

(Ten minutes later)

POPCORN: So this is the original?

CINEMA: No . . . this is a flashback to the 1978 film, an apparent retcon of the events of the original . . . the night that Michael Myers escaped from the asylum and terrorized Haddonfield.

POPCORN: The night he came home.

CINEMA: Exactly.

POPCORN: And now he’s come home again.

CINEMA: Well, he actually came home again in the 2018 film –

POPCORN: And in the one at the hospital.

CINEMA: Yes, then too, but –

POPCORN: And in the one with the little girl in the clown mask.

CINEMA: Also then, yeah. But –  

POPCORN: And then in the one where the dude from 40 Days of Night was Laurie’s son.

CINEMA: Uh, yeah –

POPCORN: And the one where he was resurrected.

CINEMA: I . . . I guess.

POPCORN: “Michael Myers is a killer shark . . . in baggy-ass overalls who gets his kicks from killing everyone and everything he comes across!”

CINEMA: Ah, I’d really rather forget about that one, if I could.

POPCORN: The dude keeps coming home all the time; maybe he should just stop leavin’. So he’s not a killer anymore then? Is he, like, making those little paper flowers now and handin’ ’em out in airports?

CINEMA: Oh no, he’s still a soulless murder machine. Well, look!

(On the screen, a fireman stretches out his arm, reaching into the fiery abyss of a burning basement for who he believes is his partner. The hand that reaches up is not him. A moment later, Myers is emerging from the flaming house like a demon from Hell, promptly dispatching an entire team of first responders.)

POPCORN: Oh shit.

CINEMA: Shit, indeed.

POPCORN: Laurie’s gonna have to kick his ass all over again.

CINEMA: I think she can handle it. She can only partially kick it this time, though, since we already know there’s going to be a third movie in this series.

POPCORN: Still gonna be a badass scene, though.

CINEMA: Yeah it will.

(Ten minutes later)

CINEMA: Hmmm, Laurie at the hospital must be a nod to Halloween II.

POPCORN: Good thing she ain’t gonna be here the whole movie. 

CINEMA: Right?

POPCORN: Who’s the dude doin’ the bad standup routine?

CINEMA: That’s Tommy Doyle.

POPCORN: Oh. He was the little kid, right? From the original movie?

CINEMA: Yup. You know who that is, don’t you? That’s Anthony Michael Hall.

POPCORN: “Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?”

CINEMA: The same.

POPCORN: “This information cannot leave this room, okay? It would devastate my reputation as a dude. I’ve never bagged a babe.”

CINEMA: Yeah.

POPCORN: “The thing is, I’m kinda like the leader, ya know? Kinda like the king of the dipshits.”  

CINEMA: Yeah.

POPCORN: “You know, I’m getting input here that I’m reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it’s – “

CINEMA: Go to hell.

POPCORN: “Very hostile.”

CINEMA: That’s the guy.

POPCORN: Wow, he got fat. And kinda rednecky. 

CINEMA: Well, he does seem to be leading a highly disorganized mob of vigilantes intent on violence and destruction. I can’t imagine anything in the news this past year that might have inspired such a scene. I feel like the filmmakers might be trying to comment on recent American history.

POPCORN: Leave it to you to bring up politics, dude. I’m just watching a movie over here.

CINEMA: Well . . . ?

POPCORN: Well, I’d kill the crazy bastard too.

(Ten minutes later)

POPCORN: Dude, I must still be high. It seems like Laurie’s been in the hospital forever.

CINEMA: She has.

POPCORN: Huh, okay. Can I have some of your popcorn?

(Ten minutes later)

POPCORN: Dude, seriously. She ain’t ever leaving the hospital.

CINEMA: Oh, I’m sure she will. It’s inconceivable that Laurie and Michael would both be in this movie and not even have a scene together. Just wait . . .

(Ten minutes later)

POPCORN: Still waiting.

(Ten minutes later)

POPCORN: Still waiting.

(Ten minutes later)

CINEMA: Not sure why, but I’ve been a bit obsessed with the first one Danny McBride and David Gordon Green did. No kidding, I’ve watched it at least twice leading up to this release. It was far better than it had any right to be. I mean, come on, Danny McBride?? All of that subtext about trauma, post-traumatic stress . . . they made Laurie a human being, like in Carpenter’s original, not some kind of superhero –

POPCORN: Runnin’ around with knife wounds in her stomach and shit.  

CINEMA: – an actual, flawed character . . . a bad mother, an alcoholic . . . it totally made sense that she would have an arsenal, know how to handle a firearm –

POPCORN: This dude, man. That mob must be super mobbed up, cuz he don’t look a thing like Michael. I get the feeling something bad’s about to happen.

CINEMA: – but when did her granddaughter learn to shoot like that? The first film made it pretty clear that Karen wasn’t letting Allyson just hang out with Laurie. She didn’t want her family to have anything to do with all that madness . . .

POPCORN: Maybe she snuck off and learned on her own?

CINEMA: I don’t know . . . yeah, her father’s been killed and all, but it’s almost like she’s an entirely different character . . . like the continuity just isn’t there between this film and the last . . .  

POPCORN: Well, there’s the knife. You know, the one Allyson stabbed Mikey with when he was trying to get outta the basement. Now Laurie’s got it, so when they finally come face to face . . . (makes slashing motion)

CINEMA: Yeah, maybe it will all come together when she gets out of the hospital.

(Twenty minutes later)

CINEMA: She never left the goddamn hospital.

POPCORN: No, dude. But that mob scene, that was badass.

CINEMA: It had the potential to be badass, but I feel like they went way over the top. I mean, Tommy . . . he was like the big Viking guy in the Capitol insurrection . . . 

POPCORN: Aw, come on, dude. It’s a Halloween movie, not, like, Scorsese or some shit. There were some excellent kills. That’s what I came here for, and I got it.

CINEMA: It did have that.  

POPCORN: They already got me psyched to see the next one.

CINEMA: That’s just it, though. It’s like they were too busy setting up the next one to bother making this one worth seeing. It’s like one of those albums with the really cool song that you love . . . with another song that you (hopefully) love two songs later . . . but the one in between is just . . . filler. It doesn’t make for a very satisfying album.

POPCORN: So you probably don’t wanna see it again, huh?

CINEMA: Not really.

POPCORN: That’s alright, my high has worn off anyway. Besides, I’ve got another flick about Halloween that I think you’ll dig . . .


The guys have been gone for a while, which only means they’ve got a lot of catching up to do. That means they’ve got a few movies you’ve gotta see. Feel free to check out their previous trips to the movies, right here at Psycho Drive-In. Then come back to see what they have for you next.      

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