The Katy Perry song episode.
“What the what?” you may be asking. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that in a moment. This episode starts off in 1900 sometime. Dammit I really need to start taking notes. For you kids reading this, it was before Y2K. The scene shows some scientist types getting the join us or die treatment (Remember the first time you see Davy Jones in Dead Man’s Chest? Like that) and Doctor Ivchenko (Ralph Brown) agrees to work for who is, or will become, Leviathan. Thankfully they only shot the one hesitant guy. Usually when you piss Leviathan off they bib you.
Agent Sousa (Enver Gjokaj) — the true scourge of Agent Carter, albeit unintentionally — finally confirms that the mystery woman he’s been searching for is indeed Carter. Again I mean. Maybe he was hoping the identifying marks in her shoulder were a coincidence. But this is a world where super soldiers and bratty gods exist, so who am I to split hairs?
Agent Carter (Hayley Atwell) has a theory that Stark got jiggly with the Russian sleeper agent, and I’d agree. Mathematically speaking it’s a wonder he hasn’t shagged Carter yet. This leads to a rather funny montage of Carter and Jarvis (James D’Arcy) interviewing recent women of Stark’s life. And Jarvis gets slapped a lot, which made me think of at least two scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean again. Weird.
And speaking of super soldiers, Agent Carter wiped the diner with like, three or four agents while Jarvis blocked the door (like a good sidekick). Asses were kicked, and names were presumably taken. Taking her leave, she is stopped by Agent… Uh, Blonde (Chad Michael Murray)? I forget his name. His name ought to be glass jaw, the way he takes a hit. Then she is stopped again by Agent Sousa. She tries to talk her way around him, and then just walks away. There are a few jokes I could make, but in this situation you can’t really win. Hit him, don’t hit him, either way people will get mad. I’m a little surprised he let her go. Maybe he thinks he still has a chance.
Keep hoping mate, I’m rooting for you.
Let’s not forget about Dr. Ivchenko back at the S.S.R. HQ. The rescued doctor is getting all silence of the lambs on Agent Dooly (Shea Whigham) and playing idiot foreigner to a tee. Even I was fooled. But no, he turns out to be a double agent, and signals Underwood from the high window. The Dottie-100 (Bridget Regan) had killed a dentist whose office was in the right place at the wrong time. The bit with her looking at him through a rifle scope was unfairly misleading to me.
Carter returns to her apartment for Captain America’s blood like a crazed ex always will, but the S.S.R. is doing their job for once and corner Carter at her apartment. The scene that follows was plagiarized from the first Spider-Man movie — agents in her room, her on the outside ledge. It even had an overbearing old lady present.
Carter escapes through her secret girlfriend’s apartment — okay, that’s only in my Agent Carter fan fic. But I totally get a lesbian vibe off Angie the waitress who wants to be an actress (Lyndsy Fonseca). Also plagiarized from Spider-Man no doubt.
Then the moment no one saw coming, unless you watched last week’s episode and pay attention to small details. Dottie poisons Carter with…. Poison lipstick. Yes, Dottie manages to do the one thing an office full of horny men have failed to do. She got to first base with Agent Carter. Now this next bit will sound nitpicky, but the critic in me must speak out. Disabling Carter with a toxic kiss was pure fan service. Normally I love fan service. I like when writers go out of their way to make me happy. Still, there must have been several more practical ways to take Carter down. Unless this is a call back to the pilot…. Nah.
The episode ends with Carter handcuffed to a desk (the second episode to end with a girl handcuffed to furniture, for those of you keeping track) with Agent Sousa ready for answers. Like how long is she going to friend-zone him? That would be my first question.
Two episodes left people. If you are gonna play catch up, now is most definitely the time.
Oh, and the Katy Perry song was “I Kissed a Girl.” But you probably guessed that.