Game of Thrones 4.05 “First of His Name”

We start with a coronation and end with a bloody mess.

Just another typical day in Westeros.

Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) is crowned King with Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) giving him the “come hither” eyes from across the room. Well, Cersei (Lena Headey) doesn’t like it one little bit. I must admit to selfish satisfaction watching Cersei twist as her power and influence is slowly stripped away. It’s entertaining to watch the divergent paths the Wonder Twins are on. Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) continues his road to redemption and honor (if such thing is possible) and Cersei just becomes more “Cerseish”, bitter, deceitful and power hungry. She’d make a great Sith.

At least she’s still rich.

Oh, wait! The Lannisters are broke! So much for “always paying their debts”, huh? Looks like the Iron Bank of Bravos is going to become important very soon. King’s landing will need all the money and resources it can grab because, across the Narrow Sea, Daenarys (Emilia Clarke) has an army of 10,000, a navy of nearly a hundred ships and she’s going to, finally, sail for Westeros and…

… just kidding. She’s staying put.

Yunkia and Astapor, the cities she freed from slavery, are slipping away as the (former) Masters try to regain control. Dany chooses not to abandon them for war in Westeros and decides instead to rule from Meereen. Not a bad choice for her character but it’s still driving… me… INSANE!

Patience. Patience. Good things come to those who wait.

Back in Westeros, Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen) actually becomes Sansa’s (Sophie Turner) creepy uncle on the road to the Eyrie by insisting she travel in disguise as his niece. Once again, his role in this episode is largely expository as he explains why the mountain fortress is impregnable. The only access is through The Bloody Gate, a narrow path hemmed in by two cliffsides. The guards allow Petyr and his “niece” passage.

Suckers.

Inside the Eyrie, we’re reunited with Lysa Arryn (Kate Dickie) and her son Robin (Lino Facioli). Once the kids are gone Lysa and Petyr… eww. Just, EWW! Looks like they’re going to be married. Good thing, because watching that scene was like walking in on my parents when I was five: awkward, a little confusing and super gross. Continuing the theme of exposition, Lysa admits the she and Petyr conspired to kill her husband, Jon Arryn, way back in Season One. You know, the thing that got Ned Stark to pack his family up and head to King’s Landing in the first place? All Littlefinger’s doing. One might argue that the greatest villain in literature is Iago from Othello, but I say it’s Petyr Baelish. That guy has evil plots within evil plots and it’s a pleasure to watch him work. It should be quite fun if the Hound (Rory McCann) and Arya (Maisie Williams) ever make it to the Eyrie.

Speaking of Arya and the Hound, they’re just having a grand old time on the road. The Hound’s a brute and oftimes cruel but Arya couldn’t hope for a better teacher as she learns that “sticking them with the pointy end” of her sword doesn’t do much if that person is wearing plate-mail. The Hound learns something, too when he finds out that Arya prays for his death every night before sleep. Nighty-night, Sandor, don’t let the wolf-girl bite.

Up to this point in the episode, there’s been lot’s of set up with very little resolution. Thank God for Craster’s Keep! I’m sure Burn Gorman is a fine person but, holy crap, does he make a scary looking bad guy! As Karl Tanner, he presses his desire for hedonism by threatening gang rape on Meera Reed (Ellie Kendrick) as she, her precognitive brother Jojen (Thomas Brodie-Sangster), and Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) are tied up in one of the huts. Luckily, Jon (Kit Harington) and other Brothers of the Night’s Watch are just outside the Keep waiting for Locke’s scouting report. As they attack the drunk rapists, Locke shows his true colors and attempts to kidnap Bran for his own purposes. Then, out of nowhere, Bran goes all “wargy” and…

… Hodor, Hodor, Hodor!!

Bran possesses Hodor (Kristian Nairn), breaks his chains and goes all Hodor on Locke (Noah Taylor), breaking his neck. Good. That guy sucked.

Back in the hut where Meera and Jojen were kept prisoner, Jon busts in but they’re already gone. What follows is a wonderful fight between a master of the Bastard Blade and a cunning, double-daggered, dealer of death. It’s a tense fight but Jon is victorious as he thrust Valerian steel through the back of Karl’s head. Yeah, the sword popping out of Tanner’s mouth is a little showy and unbelievable but I can forgive it. That guy sucked, too.

Jojen convinces Bran to keep heading north and follow his vision of a great Weirwood instead of revealing himself to Jon. The Weirwood is Bran’s destiny and his story is right back on track.

Things are speeding up in Game of Thrones. For those of you keeping track, Tyrion’s (Peter Dinklage) trial and a few other details (he says suspiciously) are the only major beats left from Book Three, A Storm of Swords. It looks like we’re going to be delving into books four and five, A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons for the rest of the season.

George. Hurry up with that next book! The show is catching up to you!

As for you guys, thanks for reading and buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!