Game of Thrones 4.08 “The Mountain and the Viper”

I think we need to talk about what happened. Let’s all go around the room, I’ll start.

George. Your character abuse has affected me in the following ways: I can no longer form relationships with people who try to do the right thing, I can no longer go to weddings and I’m afraid of winter. Please accept this gift of help and let’s move forward in a positive way.

That’s how the intervention goes in my head but I know George will just storm out of the room and kill a Stark out of spite. I think we just need to accept George the way he is and move on.

It was a skull-splittingly, head-bashingly brutal week for Game of Thrones. Let’s be honest here. Did you really think things were going to go well? We liked Oberyn, so he had to die. Well, that’s an oversimplification but you get my point. The thing is, we’ve been told throughout the series how awful The Mountain is but we’ve never seen him actually doing anything except cutting off his own horse’s head. Beric Dondarian was looking for him to avenge the smallfolk he was terrorizing, the Hound told us on numerous occasions that Gregor was responsible for his scars and there were the stories of how he murdered Rhaegar’s wife and children. Chekhov once said, “If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don’t put it there.” If The Mountain had not killed Oberyn, horribly, then he would have been an unfired pistol and a disappointment.

The writing was truly on the wall after Oberyn went all Indigo Montoya on us and started repeating, “You raped her, you killed her, and you murdered her children.” Gregor Clegane may have been the weapon but Oberyn’s arrogance was what killed him.

Other stuff happened in this episode, too. Let’s talk about it.

Up in Mole’s Town, Gilly’s getting bullied but it doesn’t look like it’s anything she can’t handle. Gilly’s a Wildling and perfectly capable if defending herself and her son. That’s something Sam should have realized before he dumped her there. To make matters worse, Tormund Giantsbane and the Wildlings overrun the town like The Cowboys from Tombstone. Gilly has a brush with Ygritte whose mercy saves her child.

Back at the Wall, Edd, Grenn, Pyp and Jon react to the news form Mole’s Town and convince Sam that Gilly probably made it out. We have a classic Magnificent/Seven Samurai scenario playing out here, and next week it all comes to a head.

The Grey Worm/Missandei love story. Not sure if I’m onboard but this might be our chance to finally see a eunuch naked. What? You know you thought about it! C’mon! We got to see Stannis’ stubby fingers a few episodes ago. If it doesn’t happen it’ll be a pistol that doesn’t go off (so to speak).

Speaking of visual effects, the crew did a phenomenal job during Theon and Ramsay’s scenes in Moat Cailin. Ramsay sends Theon to the hold in Trojan horse style to parlay with the Ironborn. Like a good little Patty Hearst, Theon keeps his word and convinces them to open the gates swearing the Boltons will show mercy. Ramsay has no mercy and the flayed man is evidence. Brilliant make-up effects! I no longer have to wonder how a person looks without skin. Roose Bolton names Ramsay Snow his son and proclaims him, “Son.” In case you missed it that was Winterfell they were riding toward.

The Eyrie was home to an interesting turn of character this week. Sansa Stark, reborn! I’ve said before that Littlefinger is the best at playing The Game. The Master has found the student and she might be better at it than he. Sansa lies at Petyr’s inquest and frees him from suspicion of murder. Sansa has lied before but always out of fear. To save her own skin. I suppose this time was similar because her lie secures a place of safety that she has some measure of control over. Petyr, I’m sure, has other plans. Petry is sending Robin away to toughen him up (die), so they will have the whole place to themselves. Sansa descends the main staircase, dressed in adult finery and sporting dark hair, her red rinse washed away like her abuse-ridden adolescence. It’s a new day.

That goes for Arya Stark, as well. She and the Hound arrive at the Eyrie and are stopped at the Bloody Gate. They’re told Lysa Arryn is dead and Arya reacts like we would expect; she laughs. Long and loud. What on earth is the Hound going to do with the Wolfgirl now that she has no value?

Way over in Yunkai, Barriston Selmy receives a letter meant for Jorah Mormont. It’s a letter of pardon from Robert Baratheon for acting as their spy. Daenerys is super-pissed and banishes Jorah. Banished, again. Once for slavery, once for spying. Watching Jorah walk away from the city, I half-expected to hear the piano music from the Incredible Hulk TV show. He’s been a main character since the beginning of the series; I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him.

Which brings us back to where we started. The fight between Oberyn Martell and The Mountain was epic and traumatic. Tyrion is screwed but I’m sure you’ll agree that we got to see the greatest smooshed head in television history.

Definitely worth the price of cable.