Revenge 4.14 “Kindred”

It’s a Hampton-style wedding event to celebrate the marriage of international hacker Nolan Ross (Gabriel Mann) and Southern heiress, Louise Ellis (Elena Satine). The party is a paradigm of sweet, Southern excess — no surprise considering the Titanic-sized budget. Between the coffers of Louise and Nolan, the two could run a Romney campaign. It’s a colorful, shotgun wedding wherein there’s no baby and the husband’s sorta gay. Nolan and Louse (Lolan) are “shotgunned” into getting married as it’s the only way to secure Louise’s inheritance. In “Kindred” we see what Revenge does quite well, craft strong female characters who can survive anything. From subverting gender roles to touching on traumatic psychological issues, this episode is packed full of Revenge-style sweetness.

In terms of plot structure, this show inverts archetypical horror film rules — by letting so many pretty women survive. The show is full of Final Girls, the strong, passionate survivors at the end of horror movies (think Jamie Lee Curtis, Neve Campbell). What’s great about Revenge is that there isn’t just one final girl — there are five. Victoria, Amanda, Margaux and newcomer, Natalie Walsh are all badasses.

They are ruthless, strong and resilient as all hell. It’s often misquoted, but it remains true that there’s no fury like a woman scorned. Sidebar: the actual quote is: “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned” (William Congreve, The Mourning Bride 1697). So who said, “Hell hath no fury?” Well, no one — technically it’s just the title of a Scandal episode (and a few other hundreds I’m sure).

Even Louise shows her own form of strength since she’s somehow survived three decades of Munchausen’s By Proxy Syndrome (when a child is physically abused by a caretaker inducing illness). In this case, Momma Ellis spikes Louise’ Valium, inducing schizophrenic episodes to keep her “insane.” Drugging women would be cliché but this is mother-daughter chemical warfare, in a game of “who killed Daddy?” So yes, it gets interesting in an Eminem-kinda-way. By that I’m referencing the Eminem song “Cleaning Out my Closet.” In the song, the speaker explains the syndrome, “My whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn’t / ‘Til I grew up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya stomach” (The Marshal Mathers LP 2002). Eminem got his revenge but will Louise?

I’m going to put my money on yes, since this is Revenge.

Momma Ellis is the type of person who would drug, abuse, and Stockholm her own daughter. So she’s definitely getting some biblical payback soon — the kind of blatant social evisceration that would make Eminem moderately less angry. Besides, does Momma Ellis really have a case? After all, she did have baby bro Congress-douche drop off a police report — super shady. And apparently it proves that Louise killed her father “on impulse.” But turns out there’s another police report. So which one is the real report? And more importantly, how does Louise maintain that perfect Southern accent?

Louise Ellis is said to be from Savannah, Georgia, a coastal town where the accent is more poise than twang — and she nails it 100%. Even Julia Roberts (Eat, Pray Love), who’s from Georgia, couldn’t rock a Southern accent for Charlie Wilson’s War. When it comes to faking Southern accents, it’s nearly impossible for actors who aren’t Kevin Spacey. As it turns out, the actress who plays Louise, Elena Satine (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) is from Georgia … the country. So Elena learned her Southern accent from The Moscow Art Theatre in Russia? Guess we’ll leave that unanswered for now.

Outside of the Ellis family war, there’s a newcomer in town vying for Queen Victoria’s throne. And who is the new would-be Queen of the Hamptons?  Natalie Walsh, played by Gina Torres (ruthless litigator on Suits). I’m used to seeing her next to a much prettier Gabriel (Macht) on Suits but her caustic character on Revenge makes up for it. Gina is signed up to play Natalie for a few episodes so Victoria better step her game up if she wants to keep her title. Natalie loves that Victoria may have trouble finding donors for the “Daniel Grayson” fund, considering the namesake of her recently dead son (the DUI-collecting trust-fund jack-ass). Natalie Walsh shows up out of the blue and calls Victoria’s world a “16th century French court” surrounded by pawns.

This is a fun take on Nolan’s name for Victoria, as Queen Vic. Victoria balks at this and calls her a “professor!” Ew, what a come-back! And then, Natalie Walsh tells Victoria, “It’s not easy being Queen” as in, “I’m going to dethrone you, bitch.” Catfight! Awesomeness. Can’t wait to see where this thread leads.

On the other side of the island, Jack and David bro out with some beer, and Ben and Emily — Bemily — finally get their date. But Amanda/Emily has trouble concentrating since she’s been two people for over 20 years. “Examine your subconscious” Ben says, coaching Amanda/Emily on not not being undercover. But is there anything left of Amanda? “Imagine a world without Emily Thorne?” Ben simply can’t. Awww. But Nolan has an emergency, so the date must end early. Luckily, Ben understands and he’s “around.” So cute. But where’s Jack?

No spoilers here. Check it out to see what happens when Ben and Jack have “the talk” and Emily uses Japanese torture to get Louise’s memories back.