The Vampire Diaries 3.15 “All My Children”

The title promises this as the most soapy episode of the season, and it certainly was. Not that the usual breakneck pace was slowed down at all, as about 500 things happened by the closing credits, they just weren’t always the best possible things.

As I keep droning on about, I feel that time displaced vampires revived unceremoniously by Elijah from anywhere from 100 to 1000 years ago would have a little modern day adjustment problem. The show doesn’t seem to agree, though they are rather playing them as monsters whose morals are incomprehensible to us. That’s sort of the Anne Rice approach to all her ancient Egyptians and Greeks and Romans, and maybe it makes sense. So among this bunch Elijah and Klaus are the most sophisticated (because they’ve been awake the longest), followed by Rebekah (who’s still a teenager after all this time), Kol (who would probably be an a-hole at any time) and Finn (who’s stuck 1000 years ago still feeling the pain of being changed into something evil by psycho witch mom).

Mommy Direst, on the other hand, has had her 1000 years “on the other side” to consider what she’s done, watch all her children did, and rue the day she started it all. So she and Finn proceed with their plan to kill everyone, while Elijah (ever the smartest) tries to figure out just what went down at the grand soiree and how much trouble he and his siblings are really in. If morality comes into this (not the kind we might subscribe to), it’s this question: does mom have the right to undo what she’s wrought, regardless of the preferences of her vamp monster babies?

Elena doesn’t seem to think she does, despite the pressure that Damon and Stefan put on her to just let the infanticide pact play out. Rebekah is still mad over missing her prom date, and Klaus is rather thankfully nearly off canvas for the whole episode. That’s probably the best development of having all the Originals back. That and not having to deal with his stupid pack of werewolf hybrids anymore.

Elena’s chemistry with Elijah is palpable … the two seem to have an eternal innate understanding, that may have something to do with her doppelganger legacy (speaking of which, show, it’s past time for her double Katherine to crop up again). She definitely wants him to live, even though he’s the only monster who knows what a monster he is, and feels bad for threatening her life in order to protect his own.

On other fronts, Bonnie and Abby don’t fare so well allying themselves with Esther, especially Abby, but who didn’t see that coming? Caroline uses her sexy wiles to continue to fuck with Klaus, which is always fun. And the brothers Salvatore have another heart-to-heart about Elena, where they admit the mutual love fest that we’ve all seen unfolding week after week, as well as the knowledge that Stefan is fully himself again, finally.

By the end, there are deaths (including probably Alaric, AGAIN), but not of any of the pesky Originals, dammit! Fair enough, let’s see if our main cast can work out some of their own issues without too much outside interference for once.