So it appears the big debate now about the new season of Twin Peaks is whether it is a television show or an 18ish-hour movie. Technically, it is an interesting question, especially for nerds like me. If I remember correctly, Lynch and Frost filmed and cut it all already, working from a massive, phone-book of a script. The “chapter” breaks were worked in after-the-fact to facilitate a smoother TV viewing, but after watching six episodes, it’s clear that nothing intelligent is going to be said about this show until all eighteen installments have been watched. And probably not until they’ve then be rewatched at least once. If, for example, Lynch was following a traditional three-act structure (which I wouldn’t even begin to suggest), that would be about 4.5 hours for the first act, followed by around 9 for the second, then another 4.5 for the third – I know that’s a bit too clinical, but that’s an approximation. However, it does place Coop’s return as our inciting incident that leads into his reintroduction to the world as our first major plot point. The other narrative lines should be weaving in and out of focus as we move forward, but hopefully this doesn’t mean that Plot Point 2 there toward the end of Act Two, isn’t the coming together of Coop and his Doppelganger, because that’s almost two months away at this rate and I don’t want to wait that long. But I wouldn’t put much stock in this anyway, since Lynch probably hasn’t a bit of interest in following a traditional structure. And if episodes 3.05 and 3.06 are any indication, I’m not sure if there’s really any structure at all in effect. And again, watching this as an 18-hour movie, I’d be more welcoming of that. But having it dolloped out in hour-long installments with a week’s wait in-between is extraordinarily unsatisfying. As I said in my last entry, each season of Twin Peaks was “filled with mind-numbingly boring stretches and inane comedy punctuated by truly mind-blowing surrealistic stretches and horrifying violence and darkness.” Season Two was also 18-episodes and there were hours and hours that could literally be skipped without any effect on the viewing experience (except, perhaps, to enhance it). I have a feeling that won’t really be the case with Season Three when we can finally sit down and binge it, but damn if it’s a bit of a slog sometimes when watched weekly. Which brings me to these next two episodes. Coop goes to work, responds to coffee and the words “agent” and “case file” but we don’t get a lot of forward movement beyond that – although he is able, apparently, to tell when people are lying. Or maybe Tom Sizemore just normally flashes green when he lies. I can’t tell anymore. New potential bad guys are introduced as casino owners, The Mitchums (Robert Knepper and Jim Belushi) beat the supervisor and fire him for losing a shit ton of money to Rainman. Dougie’s car explodes, killing a gang of punks who were trying to steal it. Dr. Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn) has a paranoid web show and sells those golden shit-digging shovels for 29.99 plus shipping and handling. Shelly’s daughter has a loser boyfriend (Caleb Jones from Antiviral) just like she did, and they both love cocaine. Then the two most interesting moments occur. First, we discover that the headless body discovered earlier has fingerprints matching missing government UFO specialist Garland Briggs – and this is the sixteenth time his prints have been found over the past 25 years. Secondly, Coop’s Doppelganger gets his one phone call and uses it to intimidate the warden (by threatening to call Mr. Strawberry???) but then just hits a bunch of numbers that causes the prison security system to go apeshit. What does it mean? Who knows? Maybe nothing. Anyway, Episode 6 focuses mostly on Coop savanting his way into his boss’s good graces with some enlightening childish doodles of ladders and stairs while his wife (Naomi Watts) uses his casino winnings to pay off his massive gambling debt. Meanwhile we get to meet two particularly threatening characters who immediately make the whole shebang much more interesting. In Twin Peaks, a creepy asshole who threatened to rape a girl at the Bang Bang Bar last episode (did I not mention that?) meets up with his even creepier drug supplier (played by a nearly unrecognizable Balthazar Getty – or maybe I’m just not ready for little Balthazar from Lost Highway to be all grown up) who also does creepy magic… anyway, this leads to creepy asshole accidentally running down a kid with his truck. But then Harry Dean Stanton is there to watch the kid’s soul fly up into the sky. What does it mean? Who knows? Maybe nothing. The second threatening character is Ike “The Spike” Stadtler, a hired killer played by Christophe Zajac-Denek, who uses what appears to be an awl to murder people (which means they should have probably called him Paul “The Awl” Stadtler, but who am I to judge?). I suppose it could be an ice pick, but it looked like an awl to me. Anyway, after he goes on a murderous rampage, killing his assigned target and literally ANYBODY ELSE WHO GETS IN HIS WAY, he ruins his awl, shows a little sadness, and then determinedly leaves to go after his next target: Dougie Jones (You know, Cooper in his new body)!!! I’m not sure why, since his wife just paid off his gambling debt, but you know what they say: What does it mean? Who knows? Maybe nothing. Oh! I almost forgot to mention the fact that back in Twin Peaks, Deputy Chief Hawk (Michael Horse) found some notes that had been hidden in a bathroom stall door at the police station and that out in some other place, FBI Agent Albert (Miguel Ferrer) met up with the one and only DIANE!!!! And Diane is played by Laura Dern with a super awesome haircut. As you may have noticed, I’m not really critiquing or reviewing the episodes, so much as just snarkily recapping. Sorry about that. I really hate columns that do that. As I said up top, I just really don’t think we’re going to be able to intelligently discuss this show until it’s over. In the meantime, I’ll try to keep you up-to-date on what happens and will share some thoughts along the way. Hopefully people will still want to talk about Twin Peaks in TWELVE MORE FUCKING WEEKS. Also, after six episodes, I’m sick to fucking death of Julie Cruz sound-alike bands. Share this:TweetShare on TumblrLike this:Like Loading... 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