POPCORN: Dude, this is totally gonna suck.
CINEMA: Yes, it is. So why are we going again?
POPCORN: Because you’re paying.
CINEMA: That’s right. And I thought you were supposed to be the idiot.
(from behind someone shushes them)
CINEMA: I should mention that we’re in the M89 Cinema in the small midwestern town of Pea Patch at this very moment. The local advertisements are still playing and the movie trailers haven’t begun yet. All of my instincts tell me to run, that we can still sneak into another theater. You know, one that’s actually showing something good.
POPCORN: No way, dude. You know what I say, ’bout the secret of life.
CINEMA: To lower my expectations.
POPCORN: There ya go.
CINEMA: Well, they’re already subterranean for this movie, so they can’t get much lower. Alright, everyone, we’ll catch you after the show.
CINEMA: You didn’t tell me that Aubrey Plaza was in this movie.
POPCORN: She was the mom, right?
CINEMA: She was the mom. She also did improv and sketch comedy at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, was on the NBC sitcom Parks and Recreation, and in several at-least-decent movies, like Ingrid Goes West. I loved her in that.
POPCORN: And she’s hot.
CINEMA: I don’t know if it’s necessary to base an opinion around that, but –
POPCORN: She’s, like, dirty hot. Like she’s thinkin’ all kinds-a freaky shit.
CINEMA: Anyway . . . wow, you know what? That movie wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be. I mean, yeah, it was fairly predictable horror movie fare, but –
POPCORN: Come on, man. It was actually good.
CINEMA: The premise of the original Child’s Play (1988) was that Charles Lee Ray, a fugitive and serial killer, is fatally shot by the police in a toy store. Somewhat impossibly, he transfers his soul into a Good Guys doll –
POPCORN: Voodoo shit, dude.
CINEMA: Yeah, well, it always seemed a bit unlikely that he would have been acquainted with Voodoo. However, Chucky has been updated this time, and it’s more about technology run amok –
POPCORN: He’s totally hooked into the TV and phones and self-driving cars. It’s pretty sweet.
CINEMA: It was an interesting conceit, and a more viable one in the highly-connected world of 2019. I feel like a little more could have been done with that, but –
POPCORN: A couple impressive kills. And the bit with that dude’s face.
CINEMA: No spoilers . . . but yes, they managed to generate at least a passing moment or two of suspense for me. Not to mention, they overcame the campy nature of the past several sequels. I’ve never been a huge fan of the series –
POPCORN: Awww, dude, Bride of Chucky was awesome.
CINEMA: – and, while this reboot has in no way converted me to the cult of Chucky, I managed to be surprised at how much it didn’t suck.
POPCORN: Yeah. That, and Andy’s mom was a total babe.
POPCORN CINEMA will be back in their usual format. Consider this a kind of bonus feature, and a reminder that it’s good to get out of the house once in a while. While you’re out, you might as well go to the movies.