The Vampire Diaries 6.17 “A Bird in a Gilded Cage”

Or make that a frozen cage. Mama Salvatore has been living in a permanent winter in 1903, consigned there by the Gemini witches for her 50 years on a Ripper killing spree. Though she’s almost out of blood, she still looks every inch the lady. She certainly presents a challenge for ever-modern son Damon to process (as he thought she was dead from consumption long ago).

When Elena realizes Stefan and Damon still have a parent (ever the orphan she), and that Stefan and Caroline are both humanity free, she comes up with the craziest plan yet: bring Mama Deadliest back to Mystic Falls, so she can trigger Stefan’s humanity, so he can in turn trigger Caroline’s, so everybody can go back to being miserable but slightly less deadly again. Only on this show would this make sense to anyone.

Bonnie even agrees to help get everyone back to the prison construct world, and Kai has the requisite ascendant, but she has an ulterior motive. She’s going to leave Kai there. Bonnie is a cold hard punisher these days. She’s had about enough of everyone’s nonsense. And Kai is such a pile of mush since absorbing Luke that he doesn’t see it coming. That he deserves it is kind of cool, though.

Freakiest of all is Lily’s request in order to gain her freedom; she has a cult of zombie’s she wants to bring back with her. This is a seriously weird idea, but it echoes the first season’s slow roll-out of Pearl and the cave vampires that had been locked up for 100 years, but weren’t yet dead. It was foolish to let them out (and it cost Grams her life), and it will be foolish to bring this weird cult (what is about the 19^th century and the tendency to form psychotic cults?) into the present. What a vision they make gathered like ghouls around a table in the attic, though. So Damon refuses, even though Lily says they are the only way she kept from giving into her murderous urges. She’s got her own Vampire’s Anonymous, but Damon, being Damon, doesn’t care.

It’s not time for Stefan or Caroline to meet Lily yet, though, as they’re busy avoiding the inept traps of Enzo and Alaric (Enzo wanted Stefan to suffer, which he can’t without his humanity, but I’m not sure why Alaric wants to help, as all Enzo does his impugn his manhood). Something about protecting the pregnant Josette I suppose.

So many changes in this week’s The Vampire Diaries, but all of them just steps along the way, and the only real countdowns right now are how bad will Stefan (who’s so good at being evil) and Caroline (whom he’s goading relentlessly) get before they save themselves? They’ve already inaugurated their evil sex life by killing a coed.