The Vampire Dairies 8.07 “The Next Time I Hurt Somebody, It Could Be You”

The cast (and maybe the population of Mystic Falls) is too small for the big celebrations of yore, but Caroline is determined to have a final Christmas Eve feast with her daughters (before Alaric takes them away), no matter who shows up uninvited.

When it turns out to be Damon (dead not even for a day) and Sybil, she disinvites Bonnie and Enzo (Enzo would be still struggling to throw off her seductive control), and sends them on a mission to find Selene (still up to devious plans and not yet in hell, barely) instead. Really, they need to find the hellish tuning fork, but find Selene instead. The only play they have is to pit the Sisters Sinister against each other, but it would help a lot if Bonnie still had her magic. She does, weirdly, have a siren-like vulnerability to the fork when it resounds.

The comical shenanigans begin when Matt and his father show up (why would they choose to surround themselves with vampires and sirens, with little defense at all? Well, Matty did think Damon was dead I guess) and Damon starts toying with who he’s going to kill before the evening is out. Not exactly the formula for a joyful repast. Stefan is already dead (staked by Damon, but only so Cade can take him on a Ghost of Christmas Past tour back to 1917), and Sybil offers to help carve the turkey. She has quite a carnivore’s knack for separating flesh from bones.

Caroline uses all her poise to keep her dinner going against the odds, coming up with a surprise gift for Sybil and a pointed one for Damon. She believes he’ll ask her forgiveness one day when his humanity returns, and that’s because she’s been there and would force him to repent now if she was strong enough. But he’s a lot older, with no humanity at the moment, so Southern charm is about all she’s got.

It does work on unrepentant rebel Vampires sometimes, though, and he leaves without killing anyone. It’s only when Sybil demands to see the gift Caroline gave him that he completes his threat, as seeing her wear Elena’s vervain necklace (a symbol of the Salvatore’s love and protection from the first season) that he rips out her heart and leaves it on a bench beside her body. Probably won’t work long on an immortal siren, but, as he later tells Stefan, “three’s a crowd.”

We still don’t know what Matt’s deadbeat dad has to do with Sybil, as she’s just demanding to see the mysterious object he harbors when Bonnie and Enzo return. Selene’s first step towards redemption is ill-timed for her sister, and Damon whisks her away. Bonnie and Enzo, that still sounds right, as they preserve their current status as the romantic highlight of the show with charming banter over dull vs. epic Christmas presents. She’s the gift he’s always wanted, and they make a good team.

It kind of trumps Stefan’s moment under the mistletoe with Caroline (forced as always), but she’s distracted by saying goodbye to her daughters anyway. She also must say goodbye to Stefan, as the result of his visitations from Cade (who tried to imply that his seduction of Elena was an act as evil as any of his murders) is that he’s going to start luring the almost innocent (but potentially evil) slippery slope people to Cade’s punishment. Cade’s no fan of moral relativism. If he lets the monster out (is turning off his humanity all it takes? What’s Damon’s excuse?), he only has to serve for a year, which he thinks is a promise to Caroline.

A lot can happen in a year, Stefan. And you’ve really only got three months, as this show has 9 episodes to go. If they can keep the macabre comic tone of this Dark Christmas, they might just go out with style.